Friday, October 30, 2009

Beautiful song.

Oasis - Stop crying your heart out.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Sorry, is all.

Why does this always happen? I help someone, they are grateful, then at the same time, i let another person down. I feel great when im able to help someone feel better about themself, or give personal advice, and the most simple, be there for someone who expects me to be there, even just as a friend, or catch up. I cant promise im not gonna let you down, but i tried. Im speaking to the minority that i've let down, and the worse thing is, taking it as if i've done it a million times before, of course i expect to you be pissed off, and im sorry for it. But theres a first for everything. I'll make it up to you four in the holidays, im so fudged off at so many things right now, i'll try not to set myself off because of this little dilema.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Sunday me!

Sunday morning was not my typical Sunday. In-fact, i decided to go to sunday service at Paradise Community Church because Sarah didnt need to go to the library. And the great thing this time was that, because i actually have Justine as a friend now, i dont need to sit by myself anymore, which makes it a whole lot more exciting. So from now on, i dont think i'll be having anymore boring sundays. I woke up at 9am, got ready, behaved well, and my mum let me drive to church, arriving 10minutes late and missing the first three quarters of worship. Justine was suppose to meet me in the front but i gues she wasnt patient enought, then again, i no longer have a phone, so contacting me is impossible, as Mark Evans would agree.

I dont know how to reply to him back. Anyway, so i decided to go sit in balcony, Justine found me, still in the last 5 minutes of worship, then they sang Amazing Grace, which was awsome, im not sure if thats going to be a casual thing now, but it was very nice, actually, i never get told off, i blame Justine, she asked me how i got here, and i got excited because i stuffed up my driving on my way to church, no idea what i was doing. Reversed out of the driveway, forgot to change gear, stepped on the acelerator, then stomped the breaks, then i was like okay, lets do this! without thinking i pull up the hand breaks, then was about to accelerate, mum was like *facepalm. Whats wrong with you today? i had no idea, then i managed to get my head straight, i was talking too loud because my ears were blocked, some asian guy told us off.

Anyway, after service i was on my way to the library, as always. Justine was on her way to town, for a interview, so she gave me a lift, however, she didnt mention her parents would also be accompanying us. I told her i was very good with parents, unless of course they judge before they prefer to get to know me like the majority, but they were very interesting, and polite i must say, inviting me to lunch, Justine was like "no no!" i should have said yes :P haha i joke. Anyway, not sure what happened there, we both ended up at the library and bumping into Jarod.

Raf was suppose to be there, but he skipped. Anyway, we stayed there for a long while, this part gets boring apart from the procrastination and my unorganisedness, so skip the next 3 hours, we decided to get lunch, and knowing me, im the worse at making decisions. So i thought i'd let Justine choose, she also was bad at decision making so we agree'd to play "rock, paper, sciccors" i lost of course as always. So it was up to me, i chose ajisen Ramen, but it was closed. And i did not want fate to win again, so we had to avoid maccas at all cost. I suggested we try Mexican, mmmmmm yum!

Trust me, im the worse at everything, so umm what would you like they asked" umm what would you recommend? i replied. The vegitarian or if you like meat, go the mince! umm okay, i'll try the mince thanks, Justine going the Vegitarian changes when she see's i have chicken. Would you like beans with that, umm would you reconmend it? yes! umm okay, i'll try it, i think. Capiscun? yes please, cheese? yep, tomatoes? nope, tomatoes with mango? nope, lettuce? yep. We decided to get coffee at Gloria Jeans too, Irish nut Crem'e and Mocha i think. The mexican was so so so so so so crap! i exist to make crappy decisions, next time, i'll go with my second idea.

We had a very interesting conversation about many things. Consisting of random questions, relationships, people, food, names, adrian lol. and other things, it was a pretty good day, sorry for this boring blog, but im really sick still and i have no effort to try to make it more interesting. bye!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The truth speaks through a comedian.

I found this really interesting. I'm sure alot of woman will disagree, but thats becuase they're probably unaware of they're actions.

Watch and agree. This reminds me, i always get confronted for having thoughtless thoughts about nothing, all by girls, guys know not to ask guys, because we know we think about nothing.

Red is affection.

Do you ever feel like you could offer so much? wonder why things are the way they are? why it is so hard to show affection? by affection i mean towards family, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, teachers, community, God. I've talked about this before, but it has come to my attention again, that at this time of the year, i still have made little progress in showing my affection towards loved ones. Its so simple, yet so hard to express. And if your thinking, i show affection everyday, by yawning then thats not the type of affection im talking about. So what is affection?

Googles Definition of Affection:

Affection: Affection is a "disposition or state of mind or body" that is often associated with a feeling or type of love.

(M.P. González, E. Barrull, C. Pons y P. Marteles, 1998) describes affection as using expressions to describe our emotional state. He also quoted that "emotions and affection are similar, however, affection is showing someone you care, producing some emotion, whereas emotion is something that takes place inside.

It is also scientifically proven that girls may receive more affection than boys, especially when they are emotionally distressed. Boys, alternately, may be told when they seek affection, such as when they are injured, to toughen up. Even though we think we’ve shed these gender differences, evidence to the contrary is available in a variety of studies; we are still harder on boys.This can matter a lot when boys and girls grow up, because girls will expect a higher degree of affection than boys, who have been nurtured to give less.

The purpose of this post was that my grandma leaving for 3months to china gave me the impression that im growing up slowly. I mean it was in my mind, i wanted to give her a hug good bye and i would like a phone call when she lands, but i didnt do any of that, instead i played the tough boy act. Said bye, never looked back. There are alot of things i wish i could say and show to some of my friends, but it's what they'll think from a sudden change that worries me. We're all adaptable to change.

When i think affection, i think of the color red, when i think love, i think red. When i think anger, i think red. When i think rage, i think red. When i think hot, i think red, When i think power,i think red. What are colors? do they exist for our purpose to see? how is it that one color can establish all these emotions? i swear life offers more than we see, and one day, it'll all be revealed to us. im too supersticious. Yet i have faith that, we can live in a world thats beyond our wildest dreams/imagination. Some people may call that heaven, some people believe heaven is a place on earth. But i believe that if physical and spiritual existence can exist, so can a community and a poppulation of physical and spiritual beings. So aslong as we're physical now, and until we've become spiritual, we will remain here on earth.

Sure, i think more than the average. Sure my thinking gets me no-where, because they're just dreams and fantasy. But i'm content, because if we didnt dream, if we didnt have something to find, to look foward to, we'd be purposeless. And as crazy as that sounds, as crazy as i sound, i believe that no matter the hight, the width, the length, the magnificance of a dream, there is a way of having it. If we can dream it, we can have it, we can have something similar, something better, something just like it. We dream to heighten our expectations and hope. Sure some people lack faith, a dream should stay in a dream, but i believe dreams can come true. Im not talking crazy stuff, but i do believe God does speak to certain people in their dreams.

I believe our dreams are interwind with our spiritual self.

Maybe two is better than one.

We could be the most powerful man on earth.
We could be the richest man alive.
We could have everything.
We could do whatever we want.
We could eat everything we like.
We could win everything.
We could have all the fame in the world.
We could instruct people to do whatever we want.

but what good are any of those, if we had nobody to share it with. I'd rather have nothing and have someone, than have everything and only have myself. I'm thinking maybe two is better than one.

Song of the Day: Two is better than one - Boys like girls (Featuring Taylor Swift)

"I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing'
Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everythings okay
And finally now, believing

And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one"
This song is fantastic, if your not a fan of Taylor Swift or Boys like Girls, this should definiatley change your mind.
Btw for all you people who do read my blog, and if by any chance anybody is interested in a Twilight convention let me know on msn, theres a convention thing/dress up party thing sometime next week or in a month, i will reconfirm, but damn i want to go. its a $5 entry, but you get to see all these epic vampires and Bella Swan's. And you get to take photoes and i think watch the new moon movie!!! oh im so excited, the theme is gonna be awsome!
Okay, weird thing just happend, i randomly linked the twilight thing with this song, because i felt like it. I just found out this song is also the OST for the New Moon Trailer!

Jungs blog.

i laughed so badly reading Jungs blog on relationships. You guys should too, i will comment on it tommorow morning. its actually called "Communication!!!" her first blog.

I need a phone, have lost all contact with the letter "V".

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

If your gonna laugh, dont wait for your funny bone.

You know whats the best feeling? Laughter, whats better? laughing with someone, and even better? making someone else laugh.
Tell me this didnt make you laugh :P think along the lines of Garfield. Made my day.

Laughter has a way of making you forget whatevers on your mind, even for just a second, the laughter is worth it. This is hilarious. haha i keep re-reading it and looking at te guys expression, hysterical!

I dont know why, but this one made me laugh, i like the dinosaurs butt lol.

Badminton love.

I swear, i've improved so much. It's only when i play with you, i suck! You must know a way to get on my nerves. Or maybe, your title makes we nervous. State player, tsh tsh, i'll win next year.

See, i know im improving everytime i lose to you.

To be accused by anyone else, is normal. But from you? i would not expect.

I may not have told you anything, but i told you more than anybody else. Your decision, will be the base of a change. I'm not gonna type in codes no more.
Take your time, because this is as hot as it gets. Normally i'd just take it, but fighting back is because you mean something to me. This is where i stand, and im not gonna move.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

R.I.P little green car.

I need a phone, perhaps i could have saved you and your little green car. I know its typical to say, but today, i swear i thought you were gonna crash, i saw it.. After waiting two hours in that burning sun, i went home. Your phone call confirmed my vision. Thank God there were no serious injuries.
Thank God. This year is just too crazy.


Distinction for Major Assignment, phew! (COMMS 1054) so i only need to get 2% in the exam to pass the course haha. yippee!

Totally irrelavant, but i find this remotely funny.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sunday Morning. (:

So as discussed on Saturday morning, Sarah decides she needs tuition for math studies from an old scholar student from Norwood Morialta High School, some people know him to be Minh Nguyen. Very smart enthusiastic person, but his sexuality is questionable, with all respect. Sarah was telling me that when he called back, he miss-called the wrong telephone, in-fact it was Sarahs dads mobile, he picked up, and judging from the voice across the line, he responded "Sarah, Victoria on the phone" Sarah takes over and tells them, its her tutor. Her mum said something funny.

Anyway so sunday, it was decided 2 hours of tuition at the state library at 11am. Picking Sarah up at 9:40am a tad bit late, we were lucky we hadn't missed the bus. We're always lucky seeing as everytime i pick her up, we're always 5-10mins late. And then as a casual converse, theres always the "hey! look, there are people waiting, i gues we hadn't missed it after all". We got to town at about 10am, having 30minutes to explore the early sunshine morning of Rundle Mall. We discovered Rundle Mall had its own pet shop, which was interesting, however it was closed. We also decided to visit borders in which i was fascinated by the "Mary and Martin, Penguine books" we were talking about books and their covers, how we'd buy a stack of books purely based on looks. On the way down Rundle, we passed the Arcade, i've never really explored the Adelaide Arcade, so we went inside, and as usual, i critisize what i find interesting (whack). Walking down the hall ways, we noticed a morning glory, however, it was the Australian version. And we also came across a dress up shop, they had the most beautiful masks i had ever seen. The shop was close, but people were inside, we were window shopping, and came across a mask with missing gaps. it looked really nice, would have been fun to take photoes, but we had no access to the accesories.

So after exiting the Arcade, we did more window shopping, i for one have a weird habbit of telling the person im shopping with that "i like to look at dresses" we walked passed several displays, i found 4 very nice ones, some agreeable, some not. We then proceeded to the intersection between this hotel and hair salon, where we took cam whored just above the dining halls of David Jones. Funny faces and of course the thick black glasses. And proceeded into Morning Glory, where i found a massive Yoshi doll and hugged it. Soft toys tend to get to my soft spot, if its soft and squishy, i want it. Unfortuantely it was exspensive, we were walking down rundle with our thick black glasses going "its fine, we're asian so we can use pretend toys".

Having the clock reach 10:50am, we then proceeded to heading towards the State Library, Sarah thought it was a good idea to take a photo infront of the musuem but we were running low on time. So we rushed towards the library, and i was telling Sarah a story about doing a recent survey based on the facilities of the library. I took the survey, and at the end suggested they should have a employee of the month award. This came into my mind, as i have made friends with one of the officers (security guards). I attend the State Library so often he remembers me and always asks me about my day and we exchange converse about how i find my course boring and him working here and at his restaurant + renovations is killing him. Its always nice to see him, he has the nicest greetings. Well me and Sarah entered the library deciding to book a room ahead of schedule, i volunteered to offer my ID as a exchangable item for a 2 hour room, however, my Uni ID card had disapeared, realising that i had hidden it from the eyes of Cherie and Genial coming over at movies night, i forget to put it back into my wallet.

Sarah going back towards the very nice officer to reclaim her bag/wallet took her time, i was forced to conduct an awkward conversation with the librarian. He started of by saying "well! you'll be in room 4 *smiles" and me. being a fan of 4 and 8 responded by saying "4's great! i like 4, thank you." Him thinking im out of my mind stares back towards his computer screen, me fidgeting with my hands waiting for Sarah to come back begins to get nervous. Im standing there, staring at him staring at his screen, i noticed Sarah walking pacefully towards me, "you took your time cousin" i responded, we got our room. Minh had still not arrived so we waited outside the library, it was very warm and stuffy. We also got on the elevator and me using the mirror to adjust my hair, pursuading Sarah that we have roughly 10 seconds to take a quick picture. We managed to pull it off in 5 seconds, as 5 seconds was all we had. Reminding Sarah that i had also attempted this same experiment with Eeshin and Hoi, however being aquinted by some total stranger seeing 3 fobs in a elevator crouching and taking a picture, then apologising and walking away giggerling.

After several guesses of possible Minhs. We noticed he was already inside, he was surprised to see me i might add. So we entered the library again, and there was a officer change, my guy must have been on break. Minh and Sarah proceeded to the room, while i proceeded towards the laptop charging tables. Updating myself on facebook, and commenting on Raymonds profile, telling him he shouldnt rely on others to be at the library to come for himself, getting no where in the converse. I decided to finnish my report on Miller 64 and power point presentation, making several slides and fb comments, i thought i may need more research, finnished writing my report for my 2pm meeting with uni group, i thought i'd bug Pheobe since she popped online and i still had 30minutes to wait for Sarah. I think i have a tendecy to pick on people who have animals, or perhaps i like teasing people about eating the animal. I've also recently picked a new nickname for Phoebe as Pobe. As mean as it may sound, it is explainable.

After finnishing my research and report, and power point presentation, Sarah has finnished her tuition, i somehow missed her walking by. To my surprise Genial and Raf has also entered the State Library, inviting me and Sarah to lunch. We decided to join in, some conflict arrose, but were settled i suppose. However, it seems Genial and Sarah get along like a house on fire. We had lunch in Myer food courts, me being a major fan of Gloria Jean's "Ice white chocolate" had to puchase one to celebrate my productiveness. After lunch we went to my Uni campus, City West. Acting as the tour guide and showing Sarah, Raf and Genial the beautiful Art Gallery (Sarcasm) it was much better the previous semester. We met up with my group and proceeded to put our work together, it is to my attention that i have taken the assignment the most serious. They on the other hand have not finnished researching and power pointing.

Me being finnished, decided to help out, and lend Genial and Raf my laptop to play with. Sarah was studying Math studies, and Genial and Raf going through my personal photoes and data. I had to keep checking on them. As i do have some personal write ups in some folders. We also went on webcam and posed to some pictures and made a funny video which Raf deleted. We then proceeded to taking to bus home, well i had to take cousin Sarah home, because shes like the only family i have here. And i love bussing with Sarah, we have the craziest conversations about the atmosphere and people in the bus. Anyway after emphasizing about the bus thing, i forget to mentioned, we missed the bus, and Me and Sarah suggesting Raf and Genial going to church beforehand because I had to take Sarah home. did not go according to plan. We also bumped into Eric.T at the 209 bus stop.

Well after walking Sarah home, we thought we'd accompany Eric too. I also lent Emily (Sarahs Elder sister) my precious Jodi Picoult book. It was a very sunny day i must admit. We got to my house at i dont know 6:20pm, mum washing the car, and being forced to eat dinner before i could leave, made the other two eat with me. I then had a crazy idea of getting my hair cut, since we had to wait for the car seats to dry under the sun. After cutting a quarter of my head, i thought i'd let Genial do the rest of the cutting and styling. I could feel that my sides were gone. My precious sides. She then proceeded towards my fringe, which was ammitingly scary. My dog loves to cry for attention, spinning around rubbing its butt on the cement. Mum then decided to let me drive to church, and was suppose to let me drive them back home to help me finnish my 18 hours left of driving, but was out on a date so i had no car.

We then proceeded to enter the church which was interesting, as the place was re-arranged neatly. We missed out on the entire service, i felt bad, so i went to do my own type of prayer, although i only spent maybe 20minutes, until someone interuppted me, i got freaked out and left. However, i feel as if, i shouldnt have left because i was worried about me being weak in faith. I stayed maybe 2minutes after she left, but i thought maybe she might come back to pray for me, so i quickly ran. Then there was the delicate music sung by the very talented and hansome "Matt Harris" Viva la Vida and "somebody" were the nicest songs. There were so profound dancing, and maybe some drama that occured, but apart from that the night got better.

Elysia decided to take us out for ice cream in the Parade. It was interesting, we were acompanied by the lovely, Melissa, Cherie and Raf. I being the very typical ice cream/chocolate fan, decides to purchase a all chocolate ice cream with chocolate budds. Cherie purchased something with banana, the recomended ice cream from the sailsman. Elysia went with Cranberries i think, Melissa i have no idea, and Raf passed on ice cream. I like to make Raf feel bad because i have this saying that, "if your down, eat chocolate ice cream, it'll make you feel better" so me getting sick of my all chocolate flavoured ice cream decided to blame Raf on letting me down by not ever catching up with me during holidays, him putting the blame at me, making himself vulnerable allows me to recommend him a chocolate ice cream to cool him down. Obviously nobody falls for my open minded tricks.

We decided to drop Raf home, getting invited in for Coffee, Melissa was outraged due to her test the next day. We then proceeded to my house having a very nice conversation i might add. It was nice conversing with the cherie at the back, she has done 31 hours of driving, and me 32 hours of driving adding my legit ammounts of yet to be recorded hours onto my log book. Melissa then decides to have the idea of a holiday trip to Melbourne. It was a interesting topic to discuss, however it then led to another topic which caused i would say awkward silents on the ride home. haha not really, i just thought i'd point it out.

It was very interesting, i quite enjoyed it. By the way, i've made two recent official new friends Jaime and Justine. Theres actually a funny story behind them adding me on msn at the same time, i thought i'd play them, Justine is probably gona stab me because shes very gullable and still believes i have a step sister, Jaime on the other hand was able to see through my wickedness. It was indeed very interesting, and it makes my summer holidays stranded here in Adelaide more positive.

Well im done writing this really long blog, i will upload photoes now, was gonna say tommorow, but i probably wouldnt get back to it.

We took alot more photoes, but Cousin was very nice to log into my face book account and upload these two photoes. i will upload the rest another time.
Coolest Cousin Ever.

Dont pursue that path.

I'm sorry, i can't do this no more. Helping you is not worth her friendship.
It is as it should be. i said what i needed to say. Just because you can, doesnt mean you should.

I feel as if you have changed slightly, you better still be there.

Cannot lose you as a lifehouse.

Let it shine.

I specialize as the "Knight".

Perhaps i'm the chess piece being drawn out. But i wont lose in a game of chess. Im a strategist, and luring is what i do best.

Maybe you wish to undust the past, but there is nothing there that you will find at all interesting.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Your fires bigger than mine, i should have known.

It seems your a person who likes to play fire with fire. One day, you may get burnt. I hope that day doesnt come.

What happens, when all thats left is ashes?

Friday, October 16, 2009

I'm a flirt, you're a flirt, we should flirt.

After watching gossip girl, i feel obligued to write my own type of philosophy on guys. As a guy, i am mentally aware of all reputations around me, and i would like to point out to everybody, that at some point in our lives, for ever guy out there, we have to choose whether to hold on to our image or to simply let go. I for one have not letten go, and will keep building my image. Inside every guys mind is to probably contain that image to impress a certain individual, or rather beable to get the attention of a potential individual. I'll re-state that, whether we have someone or not, we like to beable to know that if a potential somebody comes by, we would be confident enough to ebrace them.

Now there are several ways of building a reputation (image). And there are certainly many reasons for doing so, and mine is simply what i have just described. As egotistic as that sounds, that is me. Im on and off because i have this good image side and this bad image side, and whats happening is, im staying on the good side too long. I really hate it when someone calls me a "good boy". Now apart from ourselves, every guy out there knows that we live in our own game, and each and everyone of us, is our own enemy, apart from ourselves.

We also tend to say things we dont mean. We say things that hurt. We possibly dont care about what you say about yourself as long as its not about us. Every guy flirts, its in our nature, if you dont think we do, we probably do it behind your back, however, flirting has its own definition. We dont flirt because we want to, but because its become a naturual behaviour. Now we cant control that, theres a difference with flirting, and flirting with a intention, they belong in two very distinctive category.

It has occured to me that i have lost control on that blue print. Im so careful with whom i talk to especially around ex's, because i have this belief that their emotions might just get hurt, even if they've moved on. Now i know thats being generous, but its a naive way of thinking. Assuming is never the right path. I learnt from gossip girl that, whether you hurt someone or not, its not your fault, you simply hurt them, and they must face it. Even if you love them or when your unaware, its how you grow up. If pain didnt exist, where would we all be now?

Flirting is fun, you can flirt with friends, boy friends, girlfriends, and even to ex partners. The fun thing about flirting is that, you never know what to expect. And if you try to stop yourself from coming out as flirtatious, it only leaves you speechless. Now, some people may disagree with this philosophy, but that is my view. As a guy, we always have several girls we like, even before we meet them or know their name. We're actually so conservative that before the girl is ours, we make it clear that nobody else will have the same opportunity. Or rather, we make it clear to all the male species out there that this is our target.

Flirting is also our way of showing that we like you. Now that doesnt mean just because your being flirted with we like you in more than a friend way. Theres a difference, flirting verbally and mentally are just ways to tease you. When we flirt by getting close, or even touching, thats when you should know, its more than a game. However if you flirt back, its understandable, but, a flirt followed by a smile, we're able to misunderstand. If we choose to make it obvious, then you should know, you've become the target whether you like it or not. If we flirt with you and nobody else, it means we want a serious relationship. If we make eye contact and look away, thats not neccesarily a flirt, its more a compliment, we think you look good, but the opportunity to tell you so hasnt come. If we maintain the eye contact, then we like you.

I know, we sound like savage animals, claiming whats not even ours. And just like carnivores and herbavores we both exist, some are genuine and some not, some try both. And it is those that dont play the game that i praise. Because, before any game begins, we're still sane, it is when we choose to fight for what we want, we become that cannibal. And once we've made that choice, theres no going back but to keep playing. Its either that or have this haunting image in our minds.

I hate girls, they're mans one weakness. They ate the fruit of good and evil, they killed Troy. They break our hearts, they say things they dont mean. They come and they go, they control us. I told genial, man i hate girls, yet i love to hate them, and thats why we love them, because they're able to take away our sovereighnity. They're able to replace our throne with a couch. And they use themselves against us.

Lets face it, we either live with someone we love, or live with someone we hate, and i dont want some woman driving me crazy for the rest of my life. I guess its better to accept them for who they are, i love how Genial emphasises on how tarded girls are. So there you have it, we're a bunch of flirts who doesnt know what they want until its gone. I believe everyone will learn by that principal one way or the other. And by the way, it is those closes to us that surprise us the most.

Can we play?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Diagnosed with love?

I never thought it was possible myself, until tonight, i experienced my own type of crush towards a television program called "Glee". Co-star Lea Michele playing the lead singer Rachael Berry has the most amazing voice i have ever heard. Her voice could make cupids fall in love, and even possibly change the wayward wars that have occured in history, perhaps even awaken Paris's nostalgia and neglect the war against Hellen of Troy. Her voice was everything but boring, the emotion was everywhere, as if a bon fire burning pine wood leaking its pitch black smogg over the shores of the beach, clear and breath taking.

Infact, i could feel how passhionate her voice was. It was like a cry, but no ordinary cry, a battle cry, not for war, but for the magnificance of music. Music has a way of reaching places where nobody else can, its what i would describe to be as a spiritual touch. It lifts us, changes our moods, makes us happy, makes us sad, we feel it mentally and even respond to it physically. Music it what drives the world sane.

Im gonna admit this, which i wouldnt normally do, but since im feeling fantastic, and more myself these days. I will admit that pashionate things make me teary. I have no idea why, it can probably make me cry. When im feeling the passion and the emotion of the song, my heart beats i think slower? and i feel this undescribable heart ache, its like that feeling when someone you like comes near and your heart goes numb. Yet my hearts fallen head over heels for this voice in a box. And i know it sounds cliche to fall in love with something thats fantasy, but her voice really makes me feel. And i would encourage anybody and everybody who has never given "Glee" the opportunity, to embrace it.

Words cannot describe the emotions i felt, i know its steroetypical for music to be felt. But Glee is the way to go. The passion and the voice was so amazing, it was like witnessing a miracle take place, like the feeling of grasping a new born babys thumb. Im so excited for next weeks episode. I would also like to mention that the lead singer Rachael Berry is also quite pretty, her character is maybe comes off as "up herself" but who cares, she has the voice of an Angel. Her voice could probably be the very cause of the card "Change of hearts" meaning a cause which changes the heart from good to bad or vice versa. She certianly reached down my pit of darkness and gave me a new light to gaze upon. Heck i've most likely (admitting) fallen in love with her voice already, its so captivating, it gets you mesmerised. Yes, i am in love, i love Rachael berry's angelic voice.

I would like to diagnose myself with a love syndrome dedicated to Glee's very talented star Lea Michele. I quote "baby i can feel your halo, halo, i can see your halo. im walking on sunshine.. whoa! whoa! halo! halo!" Amazing!!! i will continue my excessive obsession about Rachael berry after i help my brother raid Zul Frak.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Interesting Facts. *-*

I thought i'd do some research and find some interesting facts due to a never ending supply of boredom. So this is what i found, i hope you guys find this at all amusing, because i sure did, especially the shark one.

I found this remotely ammusing and thought i'd share it with you people. (:

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:"My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Man: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Man: He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Man: 122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Man: No sir.
Manager: How many days r there in a year that r weekends?
Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many daysdo u now have?Man: 18 days.
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 daysfrom the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Man: 4 days.
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do u work on Christmas Day?
Man: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Man: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing companymoney all these days.Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!HR-HIGH RISK.

A rose gone rogue.

Roses are red, Violets are blue...

Would you like me to cheer you up? i'll do it because i can.

I dont care who you are, but i'll cheer you up because i can. Not because im obligued to, but because its my way of saving you. Even if it means showing you my other side. I'll try not to tamper with your feelings, only because i have a bad tendency of getting carried away.

I believe that until you've met every side of someone its then that you can say "i truly know them".

Say it, if its worth savin me.

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Fascination of Dreams. *-*

Before i went to bed last night i was thinking, and i said to myself, if i dream it, its a sign. And then i went and said nah it wont happen anyway. I went to bed, and had what i thought wouldnt even come into my mind as a dream. I handled it very well and then stuffed up, now its a measure of taking it as a sign or not. Dreams are bad, reality is the way to go. Everybody can dream, we own our dreams, however reality is nobodies. We've had several wars and triumphs over this blood spilt land, and to think that we'd choose our dreams over whats already been spilt.

I'm tired of dreaming, its a world of unfulfilled hope. Dreams are where we escape even if we dont need to. According to Freud, dreams are "...disguised fulfillments of repressed wishes." I would agree that dreams are too distinctive to only contain one definition in its vocabulary, its magnificence is definiatly out of this world. I mean we can come up with several reasons why we dream, why we want to dream, why dreams happen, why we feel what we do in our dreams, why it makes us pee in our bed, why it makes us hungry, why we fall in love in our dreams, why dreams hurt us, why it brings back memories, why it haunts us, why dreams influence us so much, these answered, can all be defined as the definition of a dream, and the list goes on.

And it has lead me to conclude that no homosapien in this universe, even with the highest of tolerance and intellect would even come close to being able to create linguistic behaviours as well as paralinguistic communication. It could only be done by some unexplained force, something spiritual and out of this world. Science cant prove anything, it can only advance and invent, in the end we will only beable to seek out what we're ready for. Everything leads to the work of God. So science claims that there are superficial and the supernatural outside our physical existence, yet it denies the existence of our God.

I wonder if science is evil, because we've grown so accustomed to technology and its convenience, how will we live our lives if technology was forced to cease to exist? If we were told now by a force beyond our imagination, that technology will be the death of us all, and that we were to stop creating and using technology, would we? Technology and science is a silent death. And many would still choose this silentness.

Do Cupids exist? i wonder who comes up with these philosophies.

Song of the day:

Cupids Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes.

And I know it sounds so old,
But cupid got me in a chokehold,
And I'm afraid I might give in,
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes,
And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches,
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is
I found this while researching, it makes me feel as if i should keep believing in my over endulged spiritual sense and supersticions.
"In life, many thoughts are born in the course of a moment, an hour, a day. Some are dreams, some visions. Often, we are unable to distinguish between them. To some, they are the same; however, not all dreams are visions. Much energy is lost in fanciful dreams that never bear fruit. But visions are messages from the Great Spirit, each for a different purpose in life. Consequently, one person's vision may not be that of another. To have a vision, one must be prepared to receive it, and when it comes, to accept it. Thus when these inner urges become reality, only then can visions be fulfilled. The spiritual side of life knows everyone's heart and who to trust. How could a vision ever be given to someone to harbor if that person could not be trusted to carry it out. The message is simple: commitment precedes vision."
Well here are a few dream quotes for the day that i find ideal.
  • The most pitiful among men is he who turns his dreams into silver and gold.
  • If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again.
  • Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams. (I really like this one)
  • Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


Dont worry i wont bring you down too if i go down. And i'll let you slap me a dozen time even if i bleed. All i can say is sorry, i should have put more thought into it.

Just be yourself.

I hate when people say "Just be yourself" it pretty much sais it all, but what if being yourself meant you'd end up hurting peoples feelings? so do you? i dont.

Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

Man i'm so not thinking straight these days, going off my mind. Chasing love again to avoid all this (Unexplainable dilemas) going on. I have it easy, yet each step feels so out of this world. Where did i go wrong, im sure i can bypass this feeling. If i learnt anything from this, its that nobody understands you unless they too share your pain. Chasing love because its distracting is not the right way, yet why does it seem to work? No battlefield is wide enough, nothing is more worth the risk.

Pokerface my royal flush.

Hello, why did you leave so early this morning? Was i not who i was anymore? did i scare you? I bet the moment i opened that door for you, you were speechless. Because that was your expression. I should have deserted you as you did to me. But your Pokerface is no longer neccesary, you became obsolete the moment you made your decision.

Funny how fate plays its card isnt it?

I can now read your Pokerface.

My cards have always been better, but its time i won. 1 year to go.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Right now, i feel like talking to Zoe or Genial. mmz

Friday, October 9, 2009

Dreams. *-*

Had the strangest dream ever.

Dream 1:

Elysia was driving me and cherie home, and we were on that highway near her house, and the scene changed to a watery beach like flood. And i thought it was real, i was like hey cherie, "is there a beach behind your house?" and we kept driving, it was an epic scenery, Adelaide would be way cooler if they had the scenery from my dreams. It was practically a town being flooded by water, yet people managed to live in the lifestyle and go fishing and other stuff. We kept driving down the highway, and after a long drive, we reached foodland. And i was like, i thought you were dropping Cherie home? howcome we're here?

They probably had that in my foodland haha

Apparently this foodland was the God of all foodlands, Cherie and Elysia seemed to know what they were talking about, so we went in. And it was friggen epic. First thing i saw was like a mall that had everyfood, and not just food, i saw sushi, and i was like, i've had better, then Cherie and Genial magically popped up and said "Gordon Ramsay cooked it" and they had free samples for every food! Some guy came and gave me a sample, and i was still making up my mind. And then i was like okay im gonna stop thinking "and then my brain turned on" i was like crap, if i stop im gonna wake up, and then i stopped and i woke, and i was like GAH! i didnt get to try Gordons sushi!!!!

Dream 2:

I dreampt that i had a little sister and Andy was still my brother, we were in some house argueing about which room is ours. And then that dog we saw after Kbbq, was there, and it was our dog. It kept running on the bed and jumping towards me, and i was being a duche and knocked it down 3 times, then it started frowning so i went and patted it. But then the dream changed so weirdly, we were being hunted. I took my little sister to the lollishop, and i was like, man this place blows, they have crap stuff. The owener came out with ninja's trying to force me to buy their candy. And i was like no thanks im going next door, then we ended up flexing it back home after getting chased. Was a whack dream, and if i said my sister was white, what would you guys think? LOL!

They were actually quite peaceful dreams. Dam i wanted to explore that shop.

Thank God your on my side.

You sure have perfect timing. Did i progress? 22 days to go. Thank you. (:

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Haru Haru parody. *-*

This song somehow touches me, and makes me think. (: epic song.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Think less do more.

I wonder if i've already made 2 mistakes of my life. possibly 3.

Monday, October 5, 2009

I make wonderful people into hateful people. I blame myself.

Battlefield. *-*

Feels on top of the world. After watching this chickflick, i feel asif i've become part of the game rather than being the game. It's time for a change again.

Yeh, im gonna go all the way, no more stops. Its time to enter the battlefield.

Jordin Sparks - Battlefield

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battle-field

One word turns into a
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield?

Saturday, October 3, 2009

my PLEA.

As i sit here staring at the blank and pointless screen listening to worship "through the inside out" i've realised that i've never felt more down in my entire life than i have this year. I'm so tired of everything thats happening and going around, every possible attempt is failure, i feel like giving up. I'm not a fan of giving up unless i feel like i can not do anymore, as if my existence is pointless. I'm not sure whats making me feel this way, and this is as negative as i can get. Its not healthy to stay negative because only in math a negative + more negatives would make a positive, however its been 10 months now and i've remained negative, nothings changed.

Where is the light at the end of this tunnel? does this pathway lead to a new one? will this atmosphere change? I dont see anything happening that even gives me a glimpse of hope to even look foward to the next chapter of this story. I hate giving up, yet i feel this is right. I walk home at night talking to God, freely and loudly, asking him questions, and praising him, but weeks after weeks and months after months, im still in these same shoes, no progression, no nope.

Im so tired of myself, and i've come to a point where i've relised it myself. I know i have a problem and i dont know what to do. I feel very unlike myself this year, as if im being somebody else, like sometimes i feel like myself and thats only when im feeling happy. It's almost like ive made the opposite of what i am into a being of itself.

Never would i have imagined my life to come to this point. To have so many unanswered questions and unresolved issues. 10 years ago, i had no worries, no stress, no expectations. Photoes on my wall show me how much i never planned to be. I feel like i want to talk to someone to let out all my thoughts and stress, but its always summing up to, they're not the right person to speak to, oh that person is definiatly going to tell someone else, oh i dont want this person doubting me. Its like a overfilled bottle, still filling up, building its own fragments.

And from Vi's statement, "theres times in your life, well maybe not for you yet and hopefully not ever, but theres times in my life of being a christian when i start to burn out." I feel asif my candle is being blown out. I dont want it to get to the point where im just going for the sake of being there and to escape judgement, but i feel as if, its become pointless. I've never began to think of alternatives so much as to this point where i want to in christian terms, screw up my life a little bit just to know the real taste of complications.

Is it really normal to go through things like this? Is it because i've grown up more, that im beginning to subconsiously think about things i never use to? Is it because of external influencers, i still tell myself that nobody influences me, but i feel as if i was just being naive. More towards to bad things of life. Im so dissapointed in how i've handled this year, and still handling things now, its unforgivable, yet i cant seem to change the factor.

I was talking to Vince on skype, if it was my time to go now, i would accept it, id be afriad but i wouldnt avoid embracing it. There are so many things i want to do, yet escaping from everything im feeling now seems worth it. I cant explain it, im so confused at what i've stirred up. Its like all these unresolved emotions have mixed into something that cannot be identified. Im not even sure what it is im angry with, because there are so many things, so many things i wish would just go away. if only.

Sometimes i feel like i cant go on, i cant take it anymore, i convince myself i can, yet i end up breaking down the exact same time the next night. Im not sure what sets me off, perhaps the bitter feeling of voidness. or the getting no where factor. I wish i felt more strongly about myself, and were able to just not care what people think of me. I wish i could do as i like and get away with it. I gues thats the downfall with having friends, you begin to think for them. Whereas if you didnt have friends, you'd feel lonely. And i would conclude that loneliness is the worse feeling to have to experience.

I just found out Michael is heading out, Andy is out, mum and grandma is out, suddenly this loneliness ive spoken about is about to strike me. Its too cold to go outside, night time is the worse time to feel lonely because nobody is available to talk to. Im not sure what to do, i wish it was tommorow now, because i'll be studying at the library with Sarah.

You know the real dissapointment is in yourself, i think im coming up with an answer, instead of feeling that others are dissapointed in you, im probably over exaggerating it because im real dissapointed in myself. And i can probably sum up why. Im too afraid to admit that i've reached this actual level of noobness.

Sometimes i feel like i've become a totally different person depending on how i dress. It just occured to me that when i dont do my hair, i feel more emotional, and dissapointed in myself as to when i do dress up and do my hair. When i do, i feel like i can see past that figure and be somebody else. Yet it still doesnt stop me from handling my emotions the way i do.

Sometimes i try to make a joke about it to make myself feel better, but you cant always laugh at matters for it to go away. Theres no cure or remedy to what you feel, theres only the matter of facing it. Vince sais i've become so negative this year that my mindset is negative, and that i am negative. I wish somebody was able to tell me this before i faced it.

I think the fact that i look like im the strong guy and the guy who has no troubles to most of my friends is getting to me. They all complain about their difficulties, and i support them and give them advice, yet i dont tell them whats going on in my life except for in on this blog. And sometimes when i give them a slight sigh they would say, whats wrong? your life is perfect, you have everything and good friends, siblings, good life style, and i'd smile back abit and nod my head, its true, but thats not what it feels like. And i dont want to crush that image they have of me because if i did, how would i bebale to support them if they found i was as fragile as themselves?

I feel all this responsibility in making others feel better about themselves that i forget myself. And im beginning to reach my peak where im beginning to hate some people or avoid particular people because they rely on me too much. I'd never tell them that and perhaps i send of the opposite vibe because im afraid to hurt their feelings, but whenever i say "no problems and its fine" i feel my heart ache, as if its wondering why im doing this to myself.

After confessing this people are probably gonna run away from me now because they know i've lost the heart in what i do. Why did God make me this way, why am i feeling the way i am now?

Theres just so much i want to say at the moment, so much i want to yell out, and let loose, but i cant, i know im probably going to cry and bloody up my fist. So much i cant say here, the one place i should beable to let loose. Amnesia would be a alternative cure right now. Im bashing my head in to find ways to let it all out without having to express it.

I was suppose to deal with this a long time ago, why do i let things pile up and keep stacking to its content? I've heard from so many people that its a bad method, yet its the only method i know how. I wish i could scream to my lungs content and stop this silent/bitter feeling in my chest. Its killing me.

I think what im going to do is start with the most simple thing and fix it from there, and that is my studies/family since their almost linked together.

I wish i will findd myself now or soon. And not let it infect next year.

Friday, October 2, 2009

I wish i could change you.

Today i went surfing on the web and found some old friends, reading their profiles. It hurts to notice how much the friend you once knew is gone. Or rather just how much has changed. Heck, im not even sure if talking to them is a good idea. Yet i feel obliged to. I wana share my stories, yet i feel as if though they wouldnt understand and time used would be wasted. And i myself would look bad, and perhaps waste my chance of saving them.

Not that i care what they think, maybe i do, im not sure, but why do i feel like i've already tried in the past, is it dejavu? if i had, and failed, atleast i know im going weaker.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

sorry you have the wrong number.

Today i was going through my phone, and i found the most strange sms, i dont even remember how i got it. Kinda freaked me out, yet i felt like i was suppose to read it.

It seems forgivness is not in me when it comes to you.

Ever stood next to someone and felt this massive barrier inbetween? Ever tried to see past it? or pass through it? thats me. I build barriers that i myself can not cross.

Does it hurt? when i tamper with your faith?