Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I didnt expect a reply, yet i did it anyway. I wonder why.

Sometimes i feel like i'm watching myself. And i question my actions. And now, it seems like, i've lost all expectations from you.

Friday, September 25, 2009

It was a very Ho-full day.

I think im going to do one of those "Dear Diary" blogs for a change.

Dear Diary:

Today was a very interesting day, more so last night was also very interesting. Last night i went balling with a group of international criminals also known as "Oxygen". It was my first time balling, I do what i always do and try to avoid humiliating myself from exposing my egotistic phycological consience, some would say, i am challenged. I would say, i am competitive. So after minutes of trying to convince them and myself that balling wasnt my thing, i found myself picking up balling shoes and posing to "Play ball".
Checking out the balling shoes, they look hot.

Me taking my first ball.

My first couple of attempts were indeed embarassing and ego threatning haha. After i ball i'd walk back hunched together and have the "I tried" look, or the "i told you so" expression. And what would happen was, i'd find myself bundled up with 3-4 guys explaining to me "how to ball" and me going "yep, yep" not comprehending any of the tips and information that may or may not have helped me become more successful. Instead i tried my own way, and failed miserably every moment, and walked away through the walls of shame.
Everybody pic.

The guy team, me and Daran got the same score haha.
I kid you not. I scored a 10/10 once and that was about it. I'll show you the photo and mark it with a red dot, so that everybody can know i came last, but not by myself thank you very much. (:

Listening to the pro's talk about balls. ;)

Thats my "knock out!" haha only knocked them all out once. beginners luck. (:

It was a very interesting experience. Much like learning how to ride a bike, doing it yourself, convincing yourself that you dont need any adultry help. It's like that time you convinced your dad to take of the "tricycles" and you ride that 5 seconds alone before you fall and scrape your knee. pretending that it hurt more than you were convinced and having both your parents running up to you and praising you to make you feel better, to satisfy your ego. Perhaps that was where my ego first rooted.

Well i played ball and i lost balled. It was fun. I had moral support, and i wasnt exactly the worse, however the female team managed to dominate in scores over the male team. We even got the staff to take photoes for us, they were very friendly.

After balling I did intend to walk home, it was about a 5 minute walk from my home. However Elysia wanted to catch up, so we drove around with Caleb for awhile trying to decide what to do and where to eat. And we were talking about how its always deciding, and after the long hours of decision making, we'd always end up at the golden arches. We did end up going to the golden arches at gilles plains, dined there and shared gossip on whose hot and whose not atm til about 12am before we got kicked out. What surprised me was, i got a phone call from my mother who called to find out where i was. It annoyed me because i thought we got past that stage where she trusted me, and i trusted myself. Where i was the good boy, and curfew was out of my list. She called me, all angry about me not telling her i went out, and for not being home. I felt like getting her back by going out to a mates house and bum there til 4am. Which i sometimes do without consult and she wouldnt mind. I felt like she was angry at me for no particular reason yesterday, possibly because she had a bad day and had nobody to blame and since i was out, there was a open window for my fault in which i substantially took.

Ordered a tad too much ice cream, we decided to let this one melt and play with it haha.

Well we ate for about an hour or two, watching "American Dad" on mute. Finding out that me and "Raf" look like a couple because we're always together. I think not Elysia! If i was gay, i'd have about 9 bullet holes through my chest i believe so. And i'm sure Cheryl would still take the chance to kick me where it hurts whether i was dead or alive when i hit that age. heck, she'd probably dig up my grave just to snap my pelvis, i think thats what the bone is called. Anyway, on the way to maccas, we were all chatting and getting to know each other, and suddenly i looked upwards and i saw this "thing" its so revoltingly undescribable, its mear existence surely has shaken the earth for centries and the form of its physiches is no doubt mind crippling and nerve breaking. I literally "Shat" myself, thank God we had a real man in the car. Thank you Calab, that spider friggen freaked the crapsicles out of me, it was huge, it was infront of my face, it was ginormous, it was ENORMOUS! much bigger than that font! it was devastating. It no doubt mentally scarred my very eyes.

So moving on to today. What made today absolutely interestingly unique was seeing many people i never expected to. So it all began on thursday, i told Sharon i would catch up with her after weeks, possibly months of neglection. And then I told Sarah i would meet up with her, so whether i wanted to go to town today wasnt an option, Sarah is like family to me, and so i had to go. I went and since my phone was stuffed, i couldnt recieve smses so Sharon ended up waiting one and a half hours for me. She called me asking me to save her ass. Apparently some guy, whose most probably going to read this, so i must clarrify now. Look, i like you, your personality is interesting and very social, your a very nice guy, im glad we're friends but do not, i will repeat, "do not!" blame me for this. Sorry but, i quite enjoyed our time getting to know each other, but i was only there to save her ass. It was some guy who managed to get a hold of Sharons number at a party and called her up to meet with her. So we were chittering and chattering for about 2 hours, i was just waiting for Sarah to call. And i'll skip details but, so Sharon wanted to flex, and i didnt mind continueing the converse, but in the end, i thought i'd spare her the pain. So we decided to go to the gym, but he offered to tag with us, since he had nothing else to do. Bumped into some other friends, and Sarah called me, so i had to abandon Sharon.

She wouldnt let me escape so i had to convince her to come with me and let the other guy know that we had a change of plans and that he couldnt come with. I felt bad, honestly. But, i'll be honest, i saved her ass only because mine was on the loose. haha. We bumped into "Yong-Wei" a couple of times, it was interesting chatting to him. And then we caught the Tram to China town. Me and Sharon were on the Tram, notice how i put a capital "T" asif it were a person? haha i just like to exploit Tram a friend haha. But yeh, so Sharon begins to ask about my personal life, which is no doubt boring. And then i ask her if she still kept in contact with Pheobe. Speaking of the devil, i notice "Ulla' so i looked across the road and i swear, i knew from a miled glance it was Pheobe, we were still on the Tram, i was trying to call her, but it wouldnt connect. So after we got off the Tram, i flexed it towards Pheobe, and as usual, i'd give her the most unusual appearance. So i ran up to her and she didnt know, had no idea it was me. Slowed down, and walked at her pace side by side as a stranger, she looked at me for about a second and then realised "WHAT THE Heck!" and me feeling like i just stalked her, had to show her that i was with Sharon to get rid of that vibe. haha.

So we ended up stopping at bubble tea, and there i was all flattered. "hey Pheobe, Whispers* that girl behind the counter, shes very pretty about a 9/10 dont you think? and the other girl a 9 hey?" I think those girls know that i think they're pretty, because everytime im there with Sharon they look at me. And then i whispered it to Sarah, maybe a tad bit too loud, which caused more awkward eye contact haha. So we ended up chatting for maybe 20 minutes infront of cubic. Pheobe's friends ditched her, so we invited her to join us, the "Very cool" people. haha, like the enthusiasm? well im not joking lol. i kid. But yeh, so she recieved a phone call, and i was like "if thats your friend who wants to meet up, tell them i'll slap them if they come back for you, they ditched you..." lol obviously i was being sarcastic, but in the eyes of others, sarcasm possibly doesnt exist, i probably destroyed that trust in them moments before getting to know them.

So we ended up going back to rundle for my shopping. Sarah begins to talk and she sais "wow! talk about no wind!" and suddenly whoosh! massive wind attack and we ended up standing at the traffic light waiting for the thing to tick. And then Sarah goes "OMG! is that Jun!?" and i was like "ha? where?" looking across the road, not knowing she was standing right besides me, with her korean boy friend. And i was thinking man that bitch didnt say hi! so we chased her and me being such a duche had to trip her and make her new boyfriend want to smack me. She tried to trip me, but we all know what happens when you try to trip the person who invented tripping, you get no where. So long story cut short, i had to trip her twice for not saying "hi" and "bye" she thought we were stalking her because we kept bumping into each other. And then we walked a tad bit down and bumpd into Zhen, meeting up with his girlfriend, we were pushing him towards borders and then Zhen is like look! Zoe! and i was like ha?

Looked up and there was the entire crew except for Cheryl. Oh and i forgot to mention, as i was heading towards Sharon at the start, i bumped into Zoe too, that was no doubt unexpected. But interesting. So we were suppose to go shopping, but then Sarah took too long dining and we didnt have time, so we had to go home. But we had the most whack conversation ever. Not really, it was more of whats hot and whats not, and whose hating and whose dating, those everyday girl kind of gossips. But it was awsome catching up with her as always. Was nice to see Anna in town too. and Woolee, havnt seen her in awhile, shes as cute as ever. Actualy, when i think "soft toy - bear" i think of woolee for no apparent reason. Strange.

But it was also very nice catching up with Pheobe. Raf was suppose to come out and play pool with me, but he was busy with his assignment, and when he did call, i had arrived home. I also learnt that bleaching dresses into different colors were possible in our modern society. Cheryls dress was a good example.

Well i thought and do have more to say about today, but i really need to go and shower and crash early for the very boring/cold days ahead this weekend. I was about to ramble on about how stressed and off i am atm, but i wont, because it would leave me in a negative mood. Anyway here are some pictures.

If you listen closely, you can almost hear what you need to do. dont ask how or what, just do it.

You dont think whether its wrong or right, fast or slow, high or low, just do it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

She's so harsh, it made sense. †

I need to make something out of it. And it starts now.

Going to the new world, where your actions are your words. Where your emotions stand out. Where you use whats around you, and make of what you've got.

He keeps showing me how un-ready i am for that fraction. And how ready i am for this fraction of my life that speaks out. Last nights dream was no doubt dissapointing, scary, and outragiously offensive.

We would never end up like that. I have faith. Your very much stronger than me, more than you know (possibly spiritually, and mentally). We only go as far as our faith goes. And i'm sure i prepared you adequately.

A chance for one last dance.

Becareful of what you wish for, because your first wishes always come true. (:

This is how it works, you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made and stick it into some, someone elses heart, pumping someone elses blood, and walking arm in arm, you hope it dont get harmed, but even if it does, you'll just do it all again.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Good'ol times. (:

I'm bored out of my mind, so im going to do a very long boring quiz for you guys to read, dont expect it to be very interesting, because it no better than reading a birthday card that only sais "Happy birthday" damn kevin! i gues that was a little too much for you wasnt it? How about next year i write you a birthday card on tissue and see how you keep it. i kid, i kid, kevin is awsome.

Todays quite a beautiful day, sunny and windy, just the way ah ha ah ha i like it! im starving, i havnt ate since last nights maccas and it made me feel sick. my rooms all dirty atm, i need to re-decorate. I was also suppose to go to town to meet Sharon today to catch up with her for lunch, but after last nights long torment on the way home, i dont think im up for it. I should probably call her to let her know i cancled.

Last night i spent about an hour reminincing about "Just how much has changed" and i'll be honest, i really miss the old times, change is always complicated and hard to accept. And i'm not sure if it was a dream, but i felt like, whats that feeling? i would call it heart clutching... like you'd think about how much has changed and how much is never going to be the same, and how much difference there is, and how much time has passed, how much we've grown up, and how much we're never going to be young again.

When i was a little boy, me and philip, david, andy and michael use to go to westlakes and just look/feed and play with the ducks. We were talking about that when i went to catch up with philip, i miss old times. We also use to hide in the broken chair and cuboard that my mum through out, we made it into a cubby house, and one of us would hide inside the chair and when our mum told us philip was coming over, we'd run outside hide in the chairs and wait. When they arrived, we'd pop our heads up and they'd be like "the crapsicles just happened?"

But in more recent memories. I miss high school alot! and my grandma just yelled at me, im now in a temporary bad mood. Thinking about how pissed/annoyed i am. God, i hate being yelled at and being told off, it really really frustrates my heart. I can feel this screeching inside and its so tensed like i need to scrunch up something, have excess build up of adrenaline and physical uptake. I think its bypassed now.

But as i was saying, i was re-reading my old blogs, the really old ones from last year, i swear i'll delete that thing when i feel strong enough to. I hate reading how lame i was, and how i use to think. It only makes me think what a tard i was, i swore way too much back then, and raged too much, it annoys me. Now i may have a mocking/racist disorder. Some blogs were alright and made me feel abit emotional struck, but there were also some that made me think, "oh i didnt mean that" and "those were good times" and "what happened?" and "i really miss this" and then there were the private blogs, the ones i never posted because i couldnt find the courage to post it. Even though had i posted them they were only what i felt back then.

And then, i'd come back to some narratives, and essays that i posted up, and i'd be like, ha! thats a piece of crap work i did, no wonder i never got an "A". And then there were the comments, the one thing i dislike about this change is that, i get less comments. Damn Zoe use to comment my blogs. And just from reading those past few months, it was like reliving every moment of each post again, you feel the emotion build up, the "i'm gonna kick your ass" attitude come back. And then I went and re-read some of cheryls and Cheries blogs again.

They were fascinating as always. I still have to see Cheryls spastic finger, and her dad saying " lets go to Norialta high school" thats hilarious, always gets me. And i like how Cheryl uses such a high level of vocabulary that i'd always have to end up using "google dictionary" atleast several times (4-8) to understand what her emphasis is. It helped improve my vocabulary so that was fun. And the she uses a sentence to emphasize a definition for example the one the used on the the other night.

Cheryl: God already knows what's on your mind and heart no matter how much you try to hide, so what's the point of holding back?

Cheryl: it's like chewing a piece of candy in a very obvious way and your teacher asking you about it and you denying it vehemently.

Haha man i love your setencing, i cant think of the word to describe, so i'll just leave it as sentencing. And what the heck does Vehemently mean? i have no idea. And then there was Cheries blogs, man they were pretty much all about her and her ipod, i kid. Nah they were very intersting too. And it makes me wonder, why she stopped blogging, or perhaps blogging privately now. But yeh, I rememeber how i always got her and Cheryl to help me with my sentencing and paragraphing for my essays and reports haha. And asking about other words that have the same definition, holy cow that must have been annoying.

And then when you go all the way back, you suddenly see a different shade to her and Cheryl. The "Hamsup" days. When they use to chit chat about some random science teacher that was hot, im thinking "Spurling" lol, i kid. And the days when their wildness was at a different level. And as you read on into each of their blogs, you can slowly progressivly see how much has changed through each one of us. I found that quite interesting and well i should probably start the quiz now. But then again i havnt blogged in awhile, so this is good catch up.

I also realised that my blog back then was always about love, hate, distress, anger and all these other unnececary dilemas.

And then there was Zoe, the one who blogged privately, she showed me one of her blogs about fire but that was it. I still kinda think that she never blogged, and that the fire thing was one of her school english essays lol. Yeh i never told her that, but no doubt it'll probably get re-confirmed haha. Let the good times keep rolling.

So heres the quiz.:

Any names your parents were thinking about that you would prefer? Never asked them, but i hope david was one of them.

If you had to pick one outfit that you currently own to wear for the rest of your life, what would it consist of? I like cotton shirts. and skinny jeans.

What do you think is going to happen to you after you die? Well i'm going to float above my body and watch my funeral and see who cries and who celebrates haha.

What TV show have you seen every episode of? Prison break, and i miss every bit of it.

What movie can you quote every line to? Probably Lord of the rings, Aragons lines haha.

What bands would you like to see in concert? I'd love to see nickle back or Jay chou or hillsong definiatly.

If you had the money to retire anywhere in the world, where would you go? I would choose Japan or Sydney, or Paris, or Spain.

Is there a piece of jewelry or something similar that if you lost, you would feel naked? When my camp band and other bands got removed i felt violated, i kid. But it did feel weird, kinda naked i suppose.

One thing you would change about your best friend? Nothing, shes perfect. (Sarah)

Everyone remembers their first birthday party that involved friends. Describe yours. I never had a birthday party before, until last year i think. And that was whack!

What do you think is the perfect age and why? Probably 25, because we'd all bebale to drive by then, and we'd know who our life long friends are, we're more responsible, and everyone would be chasing their careers and love.

How many times have you said “I love you” to someone of the opposite sex (romantically) and meant it? Said or typed? lol i gues it did say "Said" in my honest opinion, they're really tough words to say, i think i've only ever used the complete 3 words once and i dont think she even heard me haha it was in a car. Other than that, i've only used "love you" and believe me theres a big difference including the "I" haha. It somewhat makes it a whole lot harder. Actualy i recall saying i love you to a few guys as jokes, but then it did say romantically i gues, and without a doubt, kevin, i was joking.

How many times have you said it and not meant it? Well I've only said the entire "3" words once and meant it, so unless your trying to say i loved kevin too, then bite me.

Which member of your family has the biggest influence on your life? Strange but i would say Andy, im not sure why, i just really care for him and it just sorta dissapoints me that i let him follow his pathway, and now its too late. But other than that, we're pretty cool. We sorta have the same group of friends and we eat out together and other crap, so i'd say we have a good relationship.

What do you think this phrase means: “I am drearily bloodletting this bedwetting cosmonaut”? Doo di doo o.o

If you could go back in time and relive one memory – relive it, not change it – what memory would it be? Oh that is a very nice question. There are so many, i keep getting confused with the "relive - not change" haha, but i would definiatly pick somewhere around Aughust 24th last year, or another time earlier, i cant remmeber.

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I learnt when i was 4-5 i think, we rode everyday.

When you go to the movies, do you like to get candy or popcorn? I like to bring my own combination of lollies and whack wheat and grain food. Although there was a time i went to the movies and Vi or Jung brought in a tub of ice cream and we shared it and i made them sick because i had the cold haha. That was hilarious, cookies and cream, that was some time ago when Vi said i was "Unbelievable" im so honoured.

Do you prefer the sound of electric, acoustic, or steel guitar? I like the acoustic guitar, its sexy.

Have you ever read the Bible – even just a little part of it? I read it sometimes, trying to get in the habbit of it, but im really enjoying it now. so thats good.

What was the best pet you’ve ever had? I had several pets i miss so much, First i would like to bring up my dead rabbit "Twig" she was so soft and smal and ate everything, and kept licking my fingers, it felt like wet sand paper, but she was awsome, damn i miss Twig. And my little chicken "Sparky" oh why did i name you after that cursed name that takes away everything i have... and then you slowly began to grow up and a dog broke in and took no other chicken but you. And i my only still alive pet, is my Gold fish, "Sharky" damn your so cool, i hope you live to grow as big as me.

Do you enjoy jigsaw puzzles? If its solving it with friends, and not over 1000 i'd be willing to give it ago. (:

If you were allowed one murder without punishment, would you do it? I'd be very tempted indeed, but nobody is worth killing imo.

Name one song you can play on an instrument – any instrument. Damn i'd be proud to say i can play "fur elise" on the keyboard/piano if i could, but i only know half the song. I can play twinkle twinkle little star and some blues song on the acoustic guitar, ive been meaning to get the strings re-attached.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received from a significant other? I dont know, i suck at gifts, its best dont get me anything. Unless you want to get angry at me on my birthday for having the "what the heck is this piece of crap" face. Or better get me something, write to me about what it is, how it works, how i can use it and what it does and why i should thank you lol i kid. But seriously, i suck at gifts best to just write something to me besides "happy birthday" or whatever the occasion is.

Would you rather be blind or deaf? Thats a real hard question, i dont think i can answer it. So no comment.

Is there someone you’ve been enemies with since you were little, and it’s never changed despite growing up and becoming more mature? Possibly, im still such a child. I should really make ammends haha.

Do you prefer Spongebob or Patrick? I like them both, but i would have to say spongebob because his adorable.

If you’re currently dating someone, would you be ready to elope with them right now if they asked? Nope and nope.

If you’re not dating someone, can you think of one person that you would elope with right now if they asked? Nope and nope. reminds me of a whack question i came up with last night, i'll post it in my new blog.

Have you ever written a song or a poem? Yes, i did alot of poetry and some songs. Shoot me please.

If you have, have you ever written a song or a poem for someone? Yes i have, shoot me twice please.

Last but not least, type some funny or inspiring lyrics as a closing:
Nothings wrong, just aslong as you know that some day i will...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Who do i choose? D:

I hope none of these people read this, Zhen, Jun, Qouc & Liberty. So what happens when you feel your obliged to take a side, for example Zhen and Jun argueing, Use to date Jun, Very close to them both, and when they argue, you wana ask them whats wrong, but you dont know who to ask, because the one you ask first, brings out the i favour them more. So at badminton Zhen whacked Jun and She whacked him back, i think it was by accident, but they were both hurt, and there was some emotion, Me and Qouc were discussing this in the car after. We were like yeh i was gonna ask Jun if she was alright but i didnt want Zhen to think i was taking sides, and i was like i was thinking the same thing, but then i decided to ask Zhen becuase they were both sitting by themselves but his had a bad day. So he explained it to me, and you know how you disagree but you dont tell them, because you dont really wana take sides? So i was giving him my support but not all the way. And we had a whack conversation, i was saying how i regret not going to Jacky's bday because Philip and Zhen got drunk, and i havnt caught up with philip in a long time and that we should drink together sometime. And then we were like you know who i'd like to see drunk? Cheryl! She's one whack child, imagine her drunk, and we were both like, no shit! dont think thats ever gonna happen.

But yeh, dont know who to choose. And then theres the Qouc thing, Libertys been hitting on his girlfriend, and his getting real angy. And at a stage me and Liberty was close, but it was one of those relationships where you have eachothers backs. And now that me and Qouc are close, i told him i'd back him up. And He wants to bash Liberty, i cant make up my mind. I cant take sides, i've always been bad with decisions. Its been going on for awhile now, sometimes they do stupid thing to each other, and i have to give them my support, although i dont agree to it. I try to reason with both sides, protect both of them, but at a stage. theres going to be a limit.

And with the Eric and Sarah thing, I've always taken Sarahs side despite what conflict or gossip may arise. Sarahs always been there for me and always take me places and hangs out with me. And its going to stay that way. Happy Birthday Sarah for the 28th. I'll give you your present if i ever see you til after exams.

I made one right decsion and im sure its right.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Do you believe "Coincidence" & "Fate" share the same definition?

I Believe, Coincidence is Fate. Why is it that we have coincidences? is it because fate had a change of plans? or is it because it is simply fate?

Googles Definition of Fate: an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future.
Googles Definition of Coincidence: an event that might have been arranged although it was really accidental.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Com-Passion of Christ. (:

Well todays 12 hour migrain definiatly reminded me of how i felt when i was 4. I've got a feeling, i did something wrong yesterday or last week to have been given the chance to rexperience my migrain tantrums. It somehow reminded me of my promise. I intend to keep it and do not ever want to relive those moments.

I cannot explain how weak/vulnerable i felt today, i could not shake the feeling off, i layed in the sunlight for 2hours trying to fall asleep, took 3 panamas, and slept for 6 hours. When i woke up, i felt a slight ache, and i knew today was going to be a rough day. Yet i was still determined to go to church, which was a good decision. Tried dancing away the thought, playing music and games, nothing worked. Went to youth, met up with Dan and Jeremy, and worship started, it began to fade away, at the end of worship and service, we went to maccas and suddenly i bumped into Dan, and it reminded me, my migrain had gone.

I was so relieved that the pain was gone. So during service, i felt obliged to re-dedicate my life to Jesus. I felt maybe i did something wrong/sinned. So that was my decision. I must admit, its been almost 2 years, and i've never lifted my hands up whenever they do the calling. But after watching that video, i felt Jesus understands me, no matter who i talk to, how much i elaborate, they'll never understand as much as he would. The migrain really pushed me off my limits, i wanted and was willing to do practically anything to rid the pain. So today was the first time i've ever told myself, i wana give it all to him. I'm too tired of carrying these burdens, pointless, utter burden that have no meaning whatsoever.

Whenever the opportunity came, i always reasoned myself, no, i can handle it, i'll deal with it, even if it means just running away and just letting it stack up. But i really felt obliged today. "The Passhion of Christ" i mean he didnt die for nothing, he died for a purpose, and if i wasnt touched by watching a virtual version of Jesus going through his crusifiction then i would have definiatly re-reasoned myself. So i decided to put my hands up, and then i knew they were going to ask us to stand up, i felt God telling me, preparing me, "your gonna have to stand up, are you ready?" and i was thinking, stand up! stand up! you've raised your hands already, so i stood up, and whenever im nervous, i scratch my head, or play with my hair. And i knew he was gonna ask us to come up so that we'd get prayed for. Which did happen. Anyway, the point was, i didnt run away, i finally faced it and gave it all to him.

Its honestly refreshing, i havnt felt not guilty for so long. The feeling of a free mind. Zoe was always nagging to me about letting go, i think she knows how stubborn i am haha. So in a way, perhaps the migrain was a good thing? either way i didnt like it, the pain was horrible, although it wouldnt be comparable with what Christ went through but it was my ordeal.

To be honest, i was kinda afraid of going to sleep, didnt wana wake up in a coma haha. Well Friday was definiatly interesting, and a whack experience, i hope i never experience it again. Although i am quite curious to what i may have done to be reminded of my promise to him. Maybe he was reminding me because im reaching my 20 mark and i should rebargain my life with him haha.

Do you ever feel like you know where your heading, but your not sure if your taking the right route? So your pretty much facing 2 mysterious circumstance, but you know both are right. im bummed, i need time to think. I found todays message really powerful and inspiring, and although i've never been really affected by the way people look at me when im speaking about the blessings of Christ, i felt like it was a real inspiration, Jesus was spat on, tortured, and crucified for he loved us so much, he sacraficed himself for our sins. So that we would be forgiven, and through his wounds we are healed. I get fired up when im telling a story to do with a experience with Christ, and when i'm procrastinating about how real he is. I get alot of friends and family, judging me, saying im too much a good boy, but for some reason its never bothered me, like everytime im critisized, i never stop to think, i just keep going.

A couple of says ago, a lady showed up at the sushi place where i was happen to work. I noticed she was wearing a cross neclace, and i felt like i should ask if she was a Christian and start a conversation about it, since she might want some random inspiration. So i was argueing with my mind, and i was like fine i'll do it, so i said "hello, so are you a Christian?" and she couldnt hear me and i gave up, she was quite annoying to be honest. I dislike those people that are demandful, yet in-coherent, if that word exists. I serviced her, and everything, but i felt disrespected.

Today i was playing with my face in the mirror, dont ask why. But i found out i could make the puppy look eyes. Which of course is a winner, because i can use it to manipulate close friends now haha. I tried it on my dog and she looked at me the same way and started waddling towards me, and as she was about to reach me, she slipped and i laughed haha, then she ran away. Now im just procrastinating about nothing since the moral of my blog has finnished.

Nina just signed in, and i'm thinking, what happened to Nina? She went back to Vietnam for 8months and shes changed so much, shes always speaking in viet now, socialising with viet people and i wont go into her personal life, but i wonder why and what has made her change so much, i havnt seen her since last year. Did i lose a friend? who knows. Friends come and go as they like, thats why its not healthy to rely on friends. I dont really trust my friends, its only those i feel that can connect with me are close friends. Im joking, Nina's awsome.

I feel like im suppose to save this guy, his got a Christian girlfriend, but its kinda rough at the moment. She's apparently very commited, so im thinking maybe its her that has to save him and not me. I admit i've tried several times in the past, but never successful. I want a real hard one, that i can focus on and get angry with and be like dam this person near impossible, but not like Sarah because i dont know what to do with her haha. She's gonna read this and be like damn peter talking about me again, im gonna go scratch his window when his asleep.

Oh yeh, i just happened to randomly scratch my neck and hit my earing, a random white girl, a leader complimented my earing today, haha i get so many compliments about the unique earing. I should tell them the story some time. And i was talking to Mark today, he wants to have a "meaningful conversation" with me O_O" yeh im freaked too. He sais the next time we're in lifegroup i have to talk because, and thats it. He also wants to make me into a leader, which im considering, i mean i like helping people out, but im not sure if i can commit to it.

Im bad with commitments unless im sure of it. And So i was thinking, i could live a life of following or leading, which one mmz. plus i cant even drive yet, and im too antisocial and conservative to even beable to connect to my underlings. I let my emotions fire me up and get angry and mean when i cannot deal with people, which might be bad. I dont want people running away saying peter tried to bite me and have the other leaders looking at me going so umm who is responsible for him? and Mark would be like argh crap. Yeh my patience is a short spand, its a problem im well aware. But on the other hand, i could gain leadership skills and gain more confidence in myself.

Anyway, so today was pretty interesting, and whack at the same time. Im not sure if i like it, but i hope my saturday will be good. Apparently i have oxygen, i havnt gone for a month, and i feel like i've deserted them, when really i've been sick/tired/lazy/studying/doing homework pretty much making excuses because i dont have one person i can focus on there. I always have to be wondering around joining new groups, and have Dan and Jarad, follow me to make sure im not being anti social. I'm the guy who sits by himself, eats by himself, and goes home by himself, and believe me, i stand out. When im at youth i feel too old, when im at oxygen i feel too young. Everybody has their own group, and they're all like 20+ and they all know eachother, i need to bring someone new there so i can focus and experience the oxygen life with.

Oxygens fun, interesting, have the best food and events but, hanging by yourself, seems out of it. People are polite, and occasionally come to socialise with me and motivate me, but i feel like im wasting their time, they're doing it out of sympathy. I enjoy it anyway even if i go alone, its just the motivation to go that gets me.

And you know what puts me off? When im the only Christian in my family, and sometimes i feel like im not trying hard enough to save my family, i mean they're all smart enough to make their own decisions right? and everytime i ask my mum, i get lectured and scolded. In simple words, i get no where and discouraged. I've never tried with my grandma, but i will when i can drive.

I have a philosophy, "everyman has the urge to be a superhero" that can be translated in many ways. But the one im reffering to is, meh im too lazy to go into details maybe another time.

I ended up getting a 11/15 for my COMMS 1054 assignment on non-verbal communication. I'm real upset about my score, come one, it sais i lost 3 marks on my mark sheet for having 3 unacademic sources and i only sourced the individual 3 once. I could of had a HD (High distinction) ahwell better luck next time, atleast i know my academic level is reaching its standards when i try. I told some people i'd try this semester, truth is i've been holding back alot, still finding it hard to try, but it motivated me a little, knowing that i do have the potential when i put int the ammount of effort. Cr my ass, my next assignment is 2500 words, hopefully i'll get a HD for that and laugh at the tutors face.

It's currently 2:09am and im still up, im gonna crash soon because its unhealthy of me to be up at this time when im getting hay fever syndrome. I need to take more photoes and update my albums, i was going through old photoes and i was thinking of doing a highlight of this year, yet January to like July would be missing, maybe i'll just try harder next year, must get a photo every month or week. 52 photoes sound possible. And it'd be intersting to review them with friends and in the future too.

Oh and on Tuesday night i had a call from Mark, and i was thinking ah crap, i swear i handed in my 40hour famine from last year! but he invited me to his house on Wednesday, and i told him i'd go since im doing nothing, so he got his friend to pick me up "Nathan" and when i got there, i was thinking, boys night my ass, he didnt tell me it was life group, probably knew i wouldnt show. haha. It was very interesting, i made a new friend "Kathryn" correct me if i spell it wrong, the young white girl who sings on stage. Very nice person in my opinion, she saved me from this other girl who was asking me to go to her 18th when i never even met her before.

And i'll try to be nice, theres this person i find really hard to handle, to put up with, to tolerate, to stay calm, to refrain, to maintain. I dont know his name, but i wont mention who he is, maybe to some people, but they might scold me for being mean on him haha. But im trying my best, i mean it doesnt show so far, so thats good.

The Royal Adelaide Show is also on tonight, i totally forgot about it. Havnt seen any commercials, but i dont think i'll be going this year unless someone awsome decides to organise something. It's been dissapointing every year anyway, same rides, sime prizes, same people. Wow i sound like a downer, one of those people who bag things out because they dont know how to have fun. And i'll be like dude! i had 4 exams there last semester, and they wernt fun, believe me.

My eyes are getting sore and itchy, i think im gonna hit the hay. This has been a long blog, to highlight my week. I'll blog about why im a let down tommorow, haha sorry Adrian and Simon.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

This calls for reinforcements!

Salvanis: whoseyourdaddy
Salvanis: allyourbasearebelongtous
Salvanis: greedisgood
Salvanis: lumberjack
Salvanis: robinhood
Salvanis: cheesesteakjimmy's
Salvanis: howdoyouturnthison
Salvanis: tosmithereens
Salvanis: bigdaddy
Salvanis: IRWINNER

Learn how to cheat... i'll show you cheats.

Win32error/mydocuments/inertia32 arghhh cubicles.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

almost ready.!

It's funny, when you dont pay attention to a forgotten song, you never hear it play anymore. You also dont feel the lyrics. And then one day you here it in a movie, so you go and download it. You start listening to it and feeling the lyics, and the next you know, your very song comes on the radio, and your thinking, this is no coincidence. So now your thinking, whys this song playing? why now? why here? and then you realise, its just a song, its been 8 years since you've heard it and its going to be a good day ahead.

Minh just asked me, "what do you think is the most powerful element?" i've been thinking about that for all my life i must say. And if i could be an element, i'd like to be ice, pyro or lightning. Dark and light sound cool too, but if i had to, excluding dark and light, i'd pick ice. Why? because i dont know, actualy pyro is very tempting, i cant make up my mind haha. I'd go ice if im gonna be a super hero, and pyro if im gonna be a bad ass villian. I'd make batman look like bat shit and superman look like banana man.

I just realised i finnished reading "Keeping faith - Jodie Picoult" but then i think i was getting it mixed up with the one cheryl lent me, i forget, im at my peek of bordom again, and theres nothing to do. I hope i never finnished my book, otherwise i wont have anything to do. 20days to get prepared!