Friday, July 31, 2009

What a priveledge to breathe your air. †

Yesterday night i was going through songs because i was really sick and tired. And One shot randomly played, i havnt heard that song since last year, or early this year, i cant remember. But the song made me feel like it was speaking to me, im not sure. So i kept replaying it and replaying it to see if i would remember something in the past which may be the reason for aknowledging the rhymth. I never came up with anything, but now its stuck in my head.

Mario Vazquez - One shot.

"If i were a builder then you'd have a castle,
To drive on the highest mountain,
And if i were a billionaire, i'd give you every material thing,
But unfortunately all i have to give to you is an imperfect Heart,
But it's a Heart that beats only for you."

Thats the rock from Camp one oh nine. And thats my Valentine Heart Chocolate from Sarah. It makes the rock look cool.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Pursuit of Happiness.

"Don't ever let anyone say that you can't do anything, if you want something. Go and get it!"

stolen of Vince, but i like this. (:

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Retaliation. (:

Growing up from being a child to a teenager and currently a young adult. I've always wanted to be somebody else, and each year, it'd always be someone different. Every year, i'd find atleast one new close friend, which i'll focus on and talk to, and i'd want to be just like them, because i wasnt content with myself. And its been 19 years now, i think from what i've gathered is atleast 12 traits from 12 different people. And what i've developed is an identity crisis.

Identity Crisis - An identity crisis is when an individual loses a sense of personal sameness and historical continuity.

Today i accidentally/possibly hurt a close friend verbally because i wasnt feeling myself, i was tired, i missed morning service and worship, im stressed, was cold, feeling mentally challenged, mum is in my face, family conflict/disagreements, woke up sick, bracers cut the inside of my mouth, and those pretty much highlighted my day. A day where nothing goes right. I feel like sleeping, im so exausted, i want to wake up to a better day, but Uni is tommorow, im half excited.

My friend said, she isn't going to let me slack of this semester, she's going to be in my face like my mum, but not my mum, so i wont feel as mentally challenged.

Today while sitting on the bus to Avcom, this car stopped next to where i was sitting beside the bus window. As i looked at it, it had "Hakuna Matata" and after that i knew it was going to be a rough day.

"Hakuna Matata! it means no problems, for the rest of your days, its our problem free... philosophy."

Im so exausted right now, my eyes are sore, my eyes are fudged these days. Everytime i go out with my friend, 3 hours later, they'd be like, "Hey, are you alright? your right eye is red." i have no idea why it does that, its probably an indication of how unhealthy i am, my immune system doesnt seem to beable to repell bacteria fast enough. Today i went to read at borders, i bought a packet of starburst and KFC, the KFC made me feel dirty and oily, which put me off aswell. I saw anime characters while walking through rundle, id walk past each of them with a smirk on my face, because i smirk at things i like. And they'd walk past me thinking, this guy is probably laughing because he doesnt know why we're dressed up, typicaly asians. Cause, they'd walk past me whispering to one another and looking at me gloomly.

And catching a 1 hour bus without the time, is the most ridiculous circumstance nobody should ever face. I had to gamble when to go to the bus stop, because my moodyness prevented me from seeking help from pedestrians. I had to wait 40 minutes in the rain and heavy win while eating KFC, i did not like it one bit.

These days, i feel like im just "the good boy" where people ask for money and say they'd pay me back, but dont ever bring it up and expect me to. Where people assume that they're going to a party to get drunk and have sex is more important than my friday night at church. Where people can call me whatever and get away with it, because id rather prevent a commotion. Where people think they can tell me what to do because i dont tell them their idea sucks. Where people expect me to fix everything because its my fault. When people expect me to do my homework because im not doing it now but doesnt mean im not getting to it. I feel as if im being overlooked, and judged because i let things slide too much. And now im in this identity crisis which means im going to bite back to people i dont intend to.

I was suppose to help someone this weekend, but i forgot and i was in all honesty too tired to. I felt responsible for not even sending a sms nor have i apologised yet. I feel like i've let myself down this year. I was suppose to play my cards right, i was suppose to be superhuman.

Qouc just messaged me on msn asking "what im doing?" i told him i was being moody. It half lifted my mood, not that im swinging the other way, but he reminds me of myself. I always pay him out, pay his mum, his girlfriend and his rabbit out as a joke and i'd put "I'm joking (:" and he'd be like, "haha you fag." And he'd always shout me macas when i leave my wallet at home, and i dont know why, because i never shout guys. He even drove me and raf to camp because i was late, and even lent me his sleeping bag when i couldnt find one. But atleast he isnt taking my jokes as a misunderstanding, he drives me to badminton, drives me home, lets me drive his car, teases me and Sarah and will back me up.

However his having some relationship difficulties which reminds me of mine. I wish in heart, i was really that kind and caring, but it's not me. Anybody can verbalise their sympathy. To be honest, i wish i cared more, i think what it is is pride. I admit i have too much pride.

I hate how people judge you from perspective. They dont say it, but they expect you not to do things that are unethical. Because it makes me want to live up to their expectation of me, so i dont do what i want to do. And then i spend countless hours questioning why i even care about what they think of me when they're only assuming i am who i am. Which means all the people that think i am who i am all have a different perspective of me, which means my identity crisis is never going to end. And if i do something im-practical, they're going to think different of me.

Yeh ever since year 5, parents, teachers, kids, everybody has judged my actions. I think what i've developed is the "Be what they think you are syndrome". I think the people who hurt you the most, are the people that mean the most to you.

Anyway, this should cover up for the past 14 days of no blogging, i've grown lazy, and gone back to bad habbits to drain time.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Random feeling. :D

Today i randomly felt empathy, i dont know what for, but i feel it. Im happy. (:

Too many things not enough.

After reading Vinces blog, i think ive changed so much in the short time that his left, and even from last year. And i've come to a conclusion that i keep too many things to myself, which is probably not healthy. In the past i would blog about whats on my mind, put it into some puzzling game, but it seems the puzzles are solved too easily, therefore i dont blog it. I've tried opening up again, but its like trying to make a very difficult decision.

"Who do i save? Wife or children" for example. Thats how hard it is for me to make a decision unless im optionless. I think the reasons behind it, is i think too much. I should go a day without thinking about any consequences and just do things that i want and what i think i should do. Some things deadly in my room, it bit my arm and my cheeks now its all puffed, like the powerpuff girls. o.o

Which randomly reminded me, I miss 2008. I miss alot of things since journeying through this year. I feel so tied down this year, took up reading as a new hobby, been going to church more, trying to find answers from above. Nothing really makes sense, until you've watch the circumstance after you've faced it, then you see a new perspective. Next year, i'll look back at this, and maybe, i'll see it in a new perspective. I havnt been blogging much lately, this week has truley been blessed, theres just so much on my mind, and i should really just focus on one, but i cant seem to do that.

Friends, family, girlfriends, close friends, all see different shades of you, but i think whats happened with me is, ive become one shade, or rather, im only letting them see any other shades of me now. I kinda hate thinking about whats happened, and how ive handled it, but im trying to express some parts of it right now in this blog, which i cant seem to do. It all started last year, disobeying what God asked me to do. I've always done what his told me to do, raise my hands and worship in public, walk with my hands up, talk to random people, restore broken faith, encouraging people, giving money to the broke, giving away material things, walking to church, there are alot of things, but i couldnt do the most simple, most beneficial thing for me, i wanted to do it, he told me to do it, yet i couldnt, because i thought too much into it.

I've said too much now, so im going to head to bed, Good night everybody, i've had a very unhealthy day, and i wish to be more myself these days. Sigh, im writing it as if a little kid is writing a letter to Santa saying what he wants for Christmas, expecting a response. The power of expectation. I wish i could relive this year, so many regrets, so many dull decisions, so many moments uncherished, too many unappreciated memories and time spent. It's actually making me quite sad/upset, I wish i could go back to January 2009 and possible change fate, but i cant, i can only face the present and expect the future.

I wish i played my cards right, i wish time would turn itself back, i wish some people were still here, i wish i wasnt in this pitch, i wish i tried harder, i wish school wasnt over, i wish camp wasnt over, i wish i had food, i wish i was content, i wish for too many things. Yet i cant identify which group they should belong in "want or need" i cant seem to make up my mind for anything actually, which is very dissapointing. You'd wana play safe, but not too safe, otherwise it'd be boring, which is in my case, i need to take some risk, get some excitement. I want to do bad things, get in trouble, get told off and not care, do what i want, learn from my mistakes, get some senses knocked into me. But i dont want to die.

I cant decide, honestly, this angel and this devil inside. Its so troublesome, they both want different things, and since im the host, i cant decide. I couldnt even let go during the healing service at camp, why do i hold onto things i dont need? i dont know... maybe ive held onto things for too long, and probably beleive that its part of me now. I wish God would really just lift the weights of my shoulders. I know im not the only one with issues, but it seems i cant handle this one. I keep saying, i like a challenge, i like proving myself wrong, which inspires me to do so, but, i cant seem to get anywhere, even when i try, i get no where.

I dont get it, i've tried, im trying, i try, but nothing is right. I cant seem to do anything until its all over. And even right now, its so vague nobody understands what the heck im writing about. Its just jibberish on a piece of paper on the web that only i can read and comprehend. I've been such a bitch lately, and i do notice, but i'd really like to meet someone like myself to see what im like. Only in dreams perhaps. I said goodbye a couple of paragraphs above, i said good night to cherie an hour ago, i said bye to raf an hour ago, i said good night to my mum 30minutes ago, i said goood bye to myself last year, so why am i still up?

I find that the more questions i ask myself, the more i understand myself. And so i keep blabbering on about nothing, absolutely nothing. Good night Adelaide, we are truley blessed. God is amazing and he is real, God bless. <3

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Pajama's in Banjama's o.o

Today, i woke up in Pajama's. *-*
Yep, you guessed it, they're girl pajama's, i found it in the closet and thought id wear it as a jacket since i was cold, then i went to sleep with it and BAM! i have my very own set of PJ's *-*

Check out the awsome Monkey :D
The NoteBook. *-*
The rock. *-* Where am i looking? i dont know.... but this rock is actually Kyrptonite. *-*

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Caught out! *-*

I knew Cheryl wasnt all innocent and good girl. Its all a display, heres a preview *-*

(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
so cheryl
(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
whose going to sit with leah on the bus? XD LOLOL
cheryl is a-packing for camp 109, \ famous-sounding words make your head feel light says:
haha, holy spirit please help us answer his questions o.o
cheryl is a-packing for camp 109, \ famous-sounding words make your head feel light says:
(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
in otherwords who wants to die sooner :)
cheryl is a-packing for camp 109, \ famous-sounding words make your head feel light says:
i could bring my gingerbread man along
cheryl is a-packing for camp 109, \ famous-sounding words make your head feel light says:
she talks, he listens
(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
OMG im brinigng my bear XD
(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
thats a classic XD
(F) #4 - Im feeling all Superhuman, you did this to me. (: says:
i'll blog that lol

One more time. (:

Was that the sign?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

It ain't so Shallow.

Zzzzzzzzzzz Why do i feel like someone is digging into me? -.-"

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I feeeel Unhealthy. >.<

Some people are purely impossible to get in contact with these days. -.-"
Why does everybody text me when i dont have credit, i tell you i dont have credit, and yet you do it to put pressure me to recharge... And when i do have credit, i get sms'd like once a week, anyway, i cant decide whether to recharge on 3 or stay on optus. See on optus i get 30 free txt, and i love smsing, but with 3 i get free calls *-* and believe me they wont last. Ahwell... i gues i'll just keep sticking to the free sms site, dang im cheap :D

Oh, and im coming up with flu like symptoms, i hope i dont have swine flu.... sigh, why'd i go to town yesterday, i shuda known waking up with a headache wasnt healthy, more like, it was the first symptom of swine flu, head ache and aching.... come on! i can pull through this, oh and yesterday was really fun at badminton, Yeh, Adrian and me Vs James (007) and Sarah, and we kicked ass, haha highlight of the day. I have not gone out and done anything this holiday, because everybody is too lazy to organize something, they keep telling me to organize, yet i keep telling them, everything i try to start never seems to happen.

On the verdict, i want to watch ice age 3, Bruno, Transformers 2, Harry Potter the half blood prince, Hangover, Year one. zzzz i pretty much wana watch everything, "Im feeling all superhuman, you did this to me." This song is so hot! and writing in Italics is sexy *-*

Monday, July 6, 2009

Bam! :O

Lol, I was reading Elysia's blog, and her latest post was so dam funny, the girl that sais, im very seductive and i have something eye contact, is hilariously retarded with all respect. Now, id wana watch that show lmao. The accents are also hilariously funny, and how they speak really really fast, like if they take a breath inbewteen a sentence they might get struck by lightning.

SuperHuman *-*

Omg, and im now addicted to this song, brilliantly sung! Thanks to awsome cousin Sarah :D

Chris Brown - SuperHuman

"You changed my whole life
Dont know what you're doing
To me with your love

Im feeling all superhuman, you did this to me
A superhuman heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you."

This is Shanks from "OnePiece" he is so cool *-*

Inspiration :D

Oh, what a day yeserday, had a late night the night before, woke up, went to morning service after a long morning walk, had no breakfast, as i was waiting at the bus stop, this man was watching me while he was jogging, so i decided to play back and stare at him, we kept an eye at each other, and suddenly on the brink of a second, he trips a 360 and whacks his head, im thinking oh my God! do i call an abulance? he isnt moving! 5 seconds later, he gets up, doesnt dare to look back in embarassment, and walks away slowly, im like yeah! dont mess with me, otherwise i'll do that agaian,... yeh.. walk away...

and so i got to morning service, which was very inspiring, havnt had one of those before, the atmosphere was just insane, loved it. After service, went to borders read for 2 hours, im now on the 12th book XD another 10 more to go *-* and went to china town, and met up with adrian kt, yetchi zhi etc. Ended up going to their church, its bigger than i thoguht, and then we went to badminton/basketball, i literally havnt played in 5months or so, and so we played 2v2 me and adrian vs chris and his brother, oh we were so unfit, it was first to 10, and it eventually got to 9 all and it go so intenese, i hadnt ate all day, we were like screaming and roaring, and yeh! we won... i never thought we'd win, but that was so exausting, and then played some badminton and spent like 2hours playing pool tables.

and Adrian drove me back to after noon prayer meeting, which was off the charts, i was planning on inviting a friend, but i rekon she'd probably freak out, i didnt even expect it to be like that, the way it was. was fantastic, it was hard to lift the exausting mood, speically after talking to the youth pastor there who was like, man i wana sleep, and i was like... zzz your not making me feel better, but then Tim was like "its up to us, to change our mind set, are you ready for Christ or something like that" and so i put in some effort, but man i was dead tired, hadnt ate the entire day, and too much physical base dilemas.

Got home, slept and wham! its monday, another boring monday :D

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Cus im Mr. Brightside. (:

Omg, and im suddenly addicted to this song. I smell my music taste slowly changing D; im becoming one of those lame wana be rock/pop/acoustic boy band try hards XD lol doo di doo o.o

The Killers - Mr.Brightside

Now they're going to bed, and my stomache is sick, and it's all in my head, but shes touching his chest now, he takes of her dress now, let me go.

and I just cant look, its killing me... and taking control

jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis, but its just the price i pay, destiny is calling me, open up my eager eyes, cus im Mr.Brightside. :D

pfttt... emo's...

What Hurts the most. *-*

Oh man, im now addicted to this song :D

Danny Gokey - What hurts the most.

And Zoe's gonna say, -.-" "i gave you that song like 10months ago..." well now you know how slow i am. Ye-ah! it takes time to get over old songs lol, too much time -.-"

You know how, you sometimes have your playlist set on random, and a random song goes on, and you get all excited "omg omg! i know this song! where have i heard it before?! oh.. shit, thats the one he/she sent me years ago"

Phew! i'l jsut pretend i've always loved the song *-*' Yeh.... thats me pretty much all the time... it'll take atleast several months before i appreciate the lyrics you send my way XD "The man who cant be moved - The Script" im so stereotypical. (:

"But that's not what gets me,
What hurts the most,
Was being so close,
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do"

You are here. *-*

In my opinion, i'd say this is the strongest worship song, really gets me motivated and brings a change of heart.

Hillsong - You are here (the same power)

"The same power that rescued the earth, lives in me, lives in me, the same power that conquered the grave, lives in me, lives in me."

Why me? Because i was destined before fate came to existence.

God's Kingdom shines over us. †
Another thought which came to mind, in my opinion, i'd say, the one power us human beings under-estimate is our faith. Praise the Lord, Thank you Jesus. *-*

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wanted: Whale. *-*

Call 000 if anybody knows where "Zoe Teh" is. Or report to the Aquirium, theres a missing Whale, we should all be concerned, because, we're all eatable. Man, i literally havnt spoken to her in like a month or more, i havnt spoken to a lot of people, exams been a bitch, everybodys had exams, and its killed off, every sort of verbal/non-verbal communication we have.

Whoa... man! i wouldnt wana mess with that... She looks like shes trying to eat the ocean lol. btw, thats a whale shark if you've never seen one before. My primary school teacher, yeh the one that gave me the scarr under my chin, if i havnt shown you yet, i'll be glad to show you my harry potter scarr.

She told us all to do an assignment on an animal, i went to her saying i wanted to do a whale-shark, and she was like... dont be stupid, theres no such thing... and i was like, no look! its even on the internet, its big, a vegitarian, almost extinct and looks incredibly duperly amazingly awsome! well i didnt say that, but i thought it looked amazing, and she shut me off, she said, theres no such thing as that, she had the image of a half shark half whale... what a bitch, she didnt even believe me.... teachers who dont believe in their students fail... why teach... i hope shes retired and lonely, if you ever see me, you better run, cus i'll give you your harry potter scarr back. -.-'

Reminance. *-*

Today, i went back and relived the past. I saw it in a whole new perspective, in which i could not see, when i first faced it. It made me laugh and choke, but one things for sure, i cant let the same mistake happen twice. Some things we live and experience should never be given an opportunity to be reminanced again.

I thought i'd reuse this picture, i like it meanings. *-* i like how the blue guy runs with him XD

Freestyle. *-*

Whats your Rhythm?

I spent approximately 30minutes trying to spell the word "Ryhthm". And eventually i gave up, google dictionary couldnt provide aid to people of my ignorance. So i sought the only person i knew, which would prevail, yep... Cheryl and yeh.. she got it right.

I tried, Rymph, ryeph, ryiphm, ryemphm ryuphm, riyuph, rymuph, ryanmph, rimph, ryphm, ruyumph, ryiyumph... and so many more... all the possibilities... never expected a "h" after the "R" sigh* see this is why i shouldnt have gotten kicked out of ESL in year 10... that teacher, hope she chokes on a stone.. bloody Ms Hantosh.....