Friday, February 5, 2010


So recently this hour or so, somethings been making me reminence. And i thought to myself, Valentines Day is in how many? 10 days? Thinking of finding a valentines, most likely not going ot happen in time. Nor happen til i have a girlfriend. Which then lead to the girlfriend topic. And so i immediatly went on facebook to check out something. And thats when it hit me. Well to be honest, it hit me a mile back. But it's always been there, that feeling of notice.

And perhaps shes going to read my blog. Thats fine, anyway to the point of this blog. Of all the girls that have liked me, there was one in particular that i know of that i feel as if i should have dated. And it got me thinking, activated my philosophical brain. Perhaps its me, or everyone has someone that they shouldnt have let slip away. She was indeed one of my close best friends. And is currently in a happy long-term relationship.

She was also my first valentines, i got her a bunch of white roses to say thank you. So maybe it is possible that valentines day doesnt exist to remind us singles out there that we're still single. I looked back on some photoes, and i realised something about myself. I dont enter relationships because im not ready for one. When she confessed her feelings, it felt nice, like someone was able to see past that jerkyness mask, however, i was too prideful, not in myself. But back then, i was the ignorant type. Instead of going for the long term, i simply went for someone else because i was too afraid to dissapoint her, i doubted myself.

She was my best friend at the time. She was indeed very pretty, personality wise and looks. 9/10 for sure. I guess the better man won. Back then, i was like batman and she was like robbin, we had each others backs. And it made me realise today that, if the same opportunity came, i'd respond to it in a better manner. I wouldnt make the same mistake. She was the type that always wore a smile, and laughed, infact, theres no one else out there i know, who knows how to live life to the fullest like she does. I'm not saying this because i wish i could go back and make another decision.

It just made me feel as if, i lost someone special. And i know shes not the most special person, but ive lost touch of her friendship. And along the way because of not dating her, i've met some incredible people who've changed my life and impacted me just as much as she had. and i am grateful for. And though sometimes i think to myself, "oh man, how did i let her go" but inside, i know its because i feel kinda jealous that she found someone thats going to last a lifetime before me, or maybe that if i had dated her, we'd still be together. selfish thinking, but its kinda true. I'm happy for her, and im good friends with her boyfriend, and its funny, because the person shes dating, was someone who she never thought she'd date, 3 years and still going. long story cut short.

And i know this time, i'm ready. I dont have that fear of disapointment anymore. I always have that feeling before i date someone, "is she the right one?" There are certain things i keep to myself. The thing with me is that i dont just want anyone, well nobody does. But, theres one thing that i want in a girl, im not sure if theres a word to decribe it, but no need to explain, i know how to find it in a person.

This post seems so lame, 2 hours after failing to post it. I need to post about something cool!

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